Just fell off a train. Bad.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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