Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do herpes really smell.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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