On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
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