I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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