You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
