when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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