yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
