the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
