I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
