he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
