He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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