Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
