Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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