My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
