oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
