____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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