I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
