I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
