So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
