Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
