Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
