this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
