Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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