My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
