Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
