Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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