a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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