I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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