I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
