That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
