I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
