Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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