I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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