Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
