I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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