Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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