he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
