you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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