you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
