cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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