Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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