Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she smelled like a LAN party
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
