Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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