I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
