His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
