Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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