If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
tell me about the eggs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
