So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
