I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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