evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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