Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i will never coherently bang her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
