I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
