best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
