I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My cat gives me a boner
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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